I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
