I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
