So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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