So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
