I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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