You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
