Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
