My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
