You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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