So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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