He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
