Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
