i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
