i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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