saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
