Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
