I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
