my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
