Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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