when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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