Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
