Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
