I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
