im having a threesome with these popsicles
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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