I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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