Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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