i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
