Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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