Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We are all done wearing pants today
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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