If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
