I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
