we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
