True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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