Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As shirtless as possible
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
