i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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