Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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