So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
