Plan B is the new Plan A
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
