How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
