Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
