I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
