I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
