The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
