whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
