Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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