That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
