I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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