cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
