Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
