I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
