I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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