took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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