I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
